This made my day!!!

I don't know who the originator (sic) of this is, but whoever you are, you've made my day!


Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart
will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life
of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and
corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended
daily allowance of
vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of
the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
one.  If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad
for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans ... another vegetable!!! It's
the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had
about food and diets and remember, "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave
with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved
body, but rather to skidding sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - strawberries
in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming -
WOO HOO! What a Ride

This here has been dug out of the annals of my electronic archive.. when Mwenda's was still in existence.

Miniscule of Sound

London, UK.

Operating since 1998, the world's smallest nightclub (according to the Guinness Book of World Records) is celebrating its 10th festival season traveling to China, Australia and beyond.

A staple at the legendary Glastonbury festival each year, the entire club is completely transportable and maxes out capacity at 14 people, DJ included. Complete with a traditional Saturday Night Fever-style dance floor and lights, this compact club travels the world in search of clubbers wanting to dance the night away in a more intimate setting. And hey, if you manage to track it down and get in, there's no cover charge, making it even more unique that you'd think at first.

Privilege

San Rafael, Ibiza.

In the most well-known and talked about party spot in the entire world, one club stands alone as the unrivaled home of house and trance music: Privilege. If you're feeling a little lonely, Privilege can give you exactly what you need: a night out with 10,000 of your closest friends. Billed as the world's largest nightclub (according to the Guinness Book of World Records at least), Privilege is the best game in town, and is nothing short of a place of worship for the most serious of night owls.

The place is huge (swimming pool, stage area, 16 bars, garden, viewing dome, on-site memorabilia store, and dance floor) take up over 30,000 square feet. Suspended over the central swimming pool, the DJ spins the latest and greatest electronic music to the sea of people below.

Manumission nights (Mondays, in season) are the most risqué and mind-bending at Privilege, complete with the ever-popular Manumission girls in saucy costumes and suggestive live performances. Trapeze artists, flame jugglers, stilt walkers and the like are some of the features that occupy the floor, replacing the live sex shows that were outlawed in 1998. Good news for Privilege though, even with the ban, it's still the most original night out in the world.

Mwenda's

Nairobi, Kenya

The quintessential Nairobi pub that is the scene of many a Friday hang out after a long drawn out week of wheeling & dealing, hostile take overs, mergers & acquisitions (yeah, right!). Located conveniently on the edge of the Central Business District, a couple of hundred metres as the crow flies, quite a number of kilometres as the drunk weaves!!

Quintessential of Nairobi pubs it may be but it definitely lacks the rowdiness and happy go lucky attitude of such teenage crowd pulling establishments such as Tac...(no, it doesn't deserve a mention here). Small pub it is; Miniscule of Sound, we are giving you a run for your money!! It also lacks the haughtiness (yes, I said it!) of such 'fine' establishments as Mercury Lounge and The Velvet Room.

You have your barley, hops, water (all in the right combination), you have your long island iced tea, lively atmosphere, friendly revelers who don't mind sharing a table (space a lacking, fun a plenty - miniscule for sound, watch out again!!). The only thing in short measure is good quality music, but I'll be damned if that will stop me from my joie de vivre!!

Mwenda's almost reminds me of Frank Miller's Sin city, not quite but close: There is a place where beauty is cheap (lovely damsels do visit Mwenda's) if all you want to do is look, but for the right price, you can have anything you want (the drinks are priced quite reasonably; no haughtiness, no pretence).

Take a minute and live a little. Mwenda's a-calling.